highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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