I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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