So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize