I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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