Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
