I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
