Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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