My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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