As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
