I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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