I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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