Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
