and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
