the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
