guys are only as good as the porn they watch
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
