Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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