I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think i got beer on your cat.
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