we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
