I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You had me at "let me see your balls"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
