There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
