Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize