I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i think my cat just said my name.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
