I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
