you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
