Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
