It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
