I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sext me about skeletons
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
