Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
