Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize