My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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