i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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