having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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