I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
