Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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