Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
