He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
