I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
