if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
