I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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