Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
