i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
