I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
