walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
