Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
