Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
PANTIES FOUND
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
