It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Are we still banned from the library?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
