Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
