So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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