Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
