and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
