dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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