Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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