Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
