I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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