anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
