I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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