Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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