Got a toothbrush?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
