I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
