ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
