Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
