Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
