There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
