I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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