Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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