Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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