I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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