Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
