does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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