Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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