I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
