my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
