ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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