Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
