What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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