i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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