I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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